JTOI Part 1 Transcription

Journey To One's Identity Part 1 Transcription:

Tami: I just wanted to ask, you know, how was your day today you know what did you do?

Tomi: I woke up, that is what I did. I haven't done anything today. Well, actually I planned on making, of refining the song that I should showed you yesterday but besides that I haven't really done anything...but get ready.

Tami: Um, so music. Is that your hobby? Is that what you like to do?

Tomi: Yeah that's what I like to do. I also like reading and I like drawing.

Tami: Well, how did you get into those hobbies?

Tomi: Um, I don't know really much about [how I got into] music to be honest. I just-it was just something that I started doing because I was taught how to play the piano when I was younger so I just kept on doing that. And so I'm doing music. But art, I watched my older siblings drawing and I got interested in drawing as well so I used to draw as well. And so that's why I draw. And reading is just something I do because I like learning new information and I like reading.

Tami: So, when and where were you born like you don't need to be specific but I just wanna-

Tomi: I was born in this country, in England. I was born in London, some place in London.

Tami: 2000s so you're the cusp of millennial and gen Z. Do you really identify with those kinds of words?

Tomi: No. No I don't.

Tami: You don't feel like they describe you at all?

Tomi: No.

Tami: So what would you say it was like when you grew up? Your childhood, how was it? How was it?

Tomi: My childhood...I don't remember it that much to be honest. My memory has been failing me these days. But I think it was, from the few memories I have, it was okay. But I wouldn't know much about that because I was a very sheltered child. So I don't know about this kind of things.

Tami: So, do you have regret from being sheltered? Do you think that affected you in any way?

Tomi: No. I have no regrets. I'm very happy and I'm very satisfied because that means that all the information that I wasn't required to know, I didn't know so.

Tami: So you actually grew up in a different country from the country you were born in and the country you are living in now, so where would you describe yourself as being from?

Tomi: (pause) I don't know, because I am from both of these places so it's not like if someone says where am I from-before I used to say I'm from Nigeria to be honest because that's where I spend most of my time but now, I would just, I don't know. I'm from both of those places because I've lived here for quite some time now and so I'm from here as well as from there because that is where I spend most of my life. Even still because it's not been, I haven't even spent up to half of my life here so obviously I'm still from the place I spent most of my life.

Tami: I understand a lot of that stuff, it makes sense but like, where do you feel at home though? You have two homes or one?

Tomi: Wherever my family is.

Tami: Home is where the heart is you right?

Tomi: No, where my family is because if they're not there, really it's just the place I'm sleeping in.

Tami: I want to ask a question earlier but I decided to move it later but name-if I were to ask you, you had to describe yourself to someone in three words like what would you say? What would you say?

Tomi: Um, I guess...three words I'm quite sure about. Introvert! I'm an introvert.

Tami: Musician?

Tomi; Oh, yes yes. But can I really say that I'm a musician unless I've actually accomplished something with the things that I'm doing? I haven't really done anything.

Tami: No, I feel like if you make music you're a musician.

Tomi: I don't think so. Who-I mean by who's standard are you a musician? By your own standards?

Tami: True.

Tomi: But then again, why are we becoming something by somebody else's standards? Why is it that their standards are what we base ourselves on. They might not have very good standards you know.

Tami: That's true.

Tomi: But sure, musician. And uh...student.

Tami: True. That's like, you're still a student, literally you're still a student but also because you're still you know young in life you're still learning so many things.

Tomi: No. You can still be a student at any time because you are always learning something even if you don't realise that you're learning something.

Tami: That's true, that's true.

Tomi: And that's what I find very amazing. The fact that you are able to still learn despite how old or young you are. You always have something you can learn.

Tami: On the topic of learning, um, how many languages do you speak? I don't know.

Tomi: One.

Tami: One?

Tomi: I speak one language but I don't speak that language very well to be honest, but I speak one language which is English.

Tami: Yeah, I understand that. I feel the same too, like I don't know, but mine is a bit different because you know I learn languages and so like my brain-

Tomi: Gets confused.

Tami: Yeah gets confused.

Tomi: I don't speak any other languages but there's another language that I understand a bit about and so sometimes the words in English, I forget what they are in English but I remember what they are in Korean and so I'm trying to describe it but I can't remember what the English word is and I know that no one will understand what the Korean word is and so it's very difficult.

Tami: I guess you can still say you speak the language, just not fluently you know. Oh, well you don't speak it, you just, you understand it.

Tomi: Yes, I can understand but I refuse to speak to be honest because, I guess all you need is confidence to be able to speak something, you know. If you're confidence enough you'll be you know, you'll be able to get over the barrier but I'm not very confident in butchering somebody else's language so I don't.

Tami: I feel like a lot of language learners feel that, they feel like they're not confident enough or they feel like they would make mistakes and then people wouldn't you know be happy that they made the mistake somewhere. But I think as long as you are trying it doesn't really matter that much, almost everybody doesn't care.

Tomi: Like, exactly because if someone was speaking English, I wouldn't particularly care when they make mistakes to be honest because I can understand, it's not like it's their first language.

Tami: Exactly!

Tomi: But then I don't feel the same about myself.

Tami: It's always like that for some reason. But can you tell me you know a bit about yourself, about yourself you know, what is your story or how would you say your story you know if you had to write your autobiography right now.

Tomi: I don't know. I grew up in a family of five other people; my parents and my siblings. And then we moved to England when I was 12, then we spent some time here and I'm still here. Then I went to university and I'm doing music there.

Tami: I mean, this is a bit obvious but you know I wrote it there anyway, so what type of, what field did you choose to study in and why did you choose that, or what made you choose that?

Tomi: Well, I chose music because I can't really do anything else.

Tami: What does identity mean to you, you know.

Tomi: Uh...who I am. What things about me have shaped me and what I can use to relate to others and describe myself to others.

Tami: What you know groups would you say you identify with you? Perhaps K-pop fan, football fan, community? That kind of stuff.

Tomi: I don't really know to be honest because I often times imagine myself, 'Where do I see myself with others?' But I can't really imagine it because I don't know I look to other so I don't know what kind of group I would be in. But, although I don't seem it, I like sports. Although I don't like actively participating in sports, I like watching sports, so there's that. I like listening to Korean music but I don't really like communicating with others about that kind of thing. So yeah, those kind of things but I don't really see myself in a group.

Tami: Because of that I'm interested, how do you think people will remember you?

Tomi: A quiet person, I don't know, just a quiet person 'cuz that is the thing that I'm often told "You're a quiet person," some people say I'm shy but I don't understand why they think that. I'm not particularly shy, I just don't enjoy being in large, crowded, loud places and I don't actively enjoy participating in those kinds of environments because I lose energy.

Tami: Yeah, some people don't know that being quite is not the same as being shy.

Tomi: Being shy means that-

Tami: You want to but you can't.

Tomi: Yes

Tami: But being quiet, you can just choose not to talk. You just don't want to speak.

Tomi: It's like there are often times, yes I want to but I am unable to but that's not because I'm like, "Oh, what if they you know, how would they see this?" Sometimes it's like that but mostly it's because I don't relate to this or I don't particularly enjoy this kind of thing. Although I want to participate, it's like I don't want it to be in this way so end up not saying anything.

Tami: Yeah, that makes sense. I think being shy is about, I think mostly about how you think other people will perceive you whereas, you know, with the kind of quiet that you show me, it would be because of how, you know, you feel yourself. You don't feel the need to speak right now you don't feel the need to communicate with other people at that moment so yeah. People don't seem to understand the difference.

Tami: You know sometimes people think "Oh they're quiet", "Oh this and that", put some, their own preconceived notions on you, they judge you or whatever. What would you say to those type of people?

Tomi: I can understand why you are seeing me in such a way but I am also perceiving you in such a way that might not be the way that you are, so let's all take a step back and see with unprejudiced eyes. This is just a person that don't know anything about so if you want to find out more about this person then ask, although that's not always easy to do. And so, yes.

Tami: What do you think has shaped your identity you know?

Tomi: Um...well the people around me I guess. And like, my family although I hadn't realised until recently, how much they affected me and how much the things that I read and see affect me until I-I don't remember what it was but my reaction to something changed after seeing somebody else's reaction.

Tami: Do you think your identity has changed and evolved over time because it seems it has based on that.

Tomi: Yes, I do because the person that I was last year is quite different from the person that I am this year. Although it hasn't been that long to be honest, but I am constantly changing and evolving and things I used to feel, I no longer feel and things that I never used to feel, I start to feel. So yes, I think it's just something that everybody goes through without realizing that they're changing 'cuz if you think back to how you used to think you might not even be able to remember how you used to feel. And you might, even if you do, you might think, "Why was I reacting in such a way?"

Tami: What place does religion have in your life?

Tomi: Um...it's just like, it's something that is always there, has always been there and I doubt will ever go away. It's something that also guides my views and how I react to people.

Tami: If you could personalize your credit card or driver's license, what sentence would you want written on it or would you put on it?

Tomi: 'I have asthma'. That is what I would say, it's something that I wanted y'all to know.

Tami: If you could possess one superhuman power, what would it be and why?

Tomi: Um...stopping time and being able to move around in that stopped time. I think that's a very cool power.

Tami: Do you have any words to say to people who are trying to discover their identity?

Tomi: Unless it's something that you have to do right this moment, it's not something that you should [let] completely dictate your life and how you live, 'cuz you're identity is constantly changing so just acknowledging the fact that you're someone, even if you might not know who exactly you are, is a good start I guess.